New Metaphors for Poverty

Stephen Colbert, South Carolina native, picks up the reporting on “Stray Animal-Gate (SAG)”

The editorial board at the New York Times weighs in as well. In case you were outside feeding strays (or supporting your local food bank) when the story broke, here is a recap from SC’s Lt. Governor Andre Bauer:

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals,” Bauer told a Greenville-area crowd. “You know why? Because they breed. “You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.”

In Bauer’s defense, he has acknowledged his poor choice of words. He has vowed, however, to continue to speak out against the political correctness that is “killing” the state.

Nevertheless, in the wake of SAG, Bauer had to walk back some of his comments. He told CNN that he is “not against animals,” and noted that he has raised money for animal protection groups. This is a good step. Animal rights groups can be tough.

Bauer also told CNN that he wishes he had “used a different metaphor.” So what is an animal-loving, political correctness hating gubernatorial candidate to do?

Target plants, not animals

The pro-plant groups are less likely to make a fuss. Until the Botanical Society of America can steal Sarah Mclachlan away from the ASPCA to film a plant cruelty video, species from the kingdom Plantae are a safe target.

I suggest focusing on weeds. Everyone hates weeds. Here’s what a plant-poverty rant could look like:

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray WEEDS. You know why? Because they GROW OUT OF CONTROL. You’re facilitating the problem if you give a WEED or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.”

I’m just saying. It could work.